All Your Fault: Scientists Claim This Rodent Is the First Official Casualty of Man-Made Global Warming

Dear reader,

Get ready to personally feel like a piece of crap for causing climate change.

The Weather Channel, whose own co-founder has said that man-made global warming is “baloney,” is reporting that the Bramble Cay melomys (above… cute right?) is the “first mammal on record to be declared extinct due solely (or primarily) to anthropogenic climate change”.

Australian scientists have apparently declared that a rodent has died out due to “rising sea levels and an increased incidence of extreme weather events”.

And how did they determine this?

The scientists exhaustively combed the beach of the animal’s only known habitat in 2014 but failed to “find any trace of the rodent.”

That’s right. They combed the beach and it wasn’t there. That must mean it’s not only extinct, but it’s extinct because man-made global warming.

*eye roll*

Do you know how many times stories pop up in the news about how scientists thought an animal was extinct and suddenly, like fairy magic, it reappears?

Case in point:

Do a quick news search for the phrase “thought extinct” and you’ll see what I mean.

Happens all the time. Why? The answer is pretty simple. Because the Earth is really big and scientists can’t be everywhere all at once. In fact, it has been estimated that a whopping 86% of the planet’s animal species still have yet to be discovered.

But hey, why let any facts get in the way of a good story?

Those rodents probably got sick and tired with those scientists messing with them all the time and hid. I would.

When they do find this little guy, as they likely will, do you think they’ll hype his return from the dead (and the fact that no, anthropogenic climate change did not make him go extinct) as much as they hyped his supposed man-made demise in the media?

(That last question was rhetorical.)

And this passes for “science”.