Sad but Funny (but Sad): America Is Much Worse Than a Bad Boyfriend

This guy sucks!!! College Humor did the video below about how America is like a bad boyfriend. Aside from a few propaganda bits, they made a pretty good point.

“But…but… He can change! You know, he promises… (Every four years…)”

Actually, America is so much worse than a bad boyfriend in so many more ways than a two-and-a-half-minute video could never fully illustrate.

I’m not about to exhaust that list here because I have the rest of my life to live and it would probably take that long to get through such a list.

Ultimately, if you have a bad boyfriend, usually you can just break up with him…

If he becomes a little stalkery, you can change your phone number, block his email and move, because he likely doesn’t control a militarized standing army in any town you go to, on top of a $3 billion spy hub in the Utah desert that is so powerful it can capture an entire country’s data in one go (so sucking up your cell phone and computer data and tracking you anywhere you go is easy peasy pie); in other words, your privacy in this relationship isn’t just being intruded upon — it’s virtually nonexistent.

If an American wants to break up with America, you have to pay America…oh, and the price to expatriate just got raised a few months back a whopping 422% from $450 to $2,350. This is more than 20 times the going rate in other developed nations, just by the way.

Why? Probably because so many people are breaking up with America now more than ever before. The number of American citizens jumping off the Titanic, so-to-speak, and renouncing citizenship went up 221% in 2013 alone.

Oh, and the State Department conducts two interviews with someone trying to leave before they can take the oath of renunciation. (Chalk those up to the two depressing phone calls from America’s best friend where he tries to scare the girlfriend that she can’t do it on her own and is nothing without him, that he won’t take her back even if she comes crying back, etc. etc.)

Oh but in the meantime, the State Department continues to pick fights with other countries for even looking at America funny…or, actually, for no reason at all just because America is one of those selfish, pig-headed King of the Hill bullies and wants to take over everything on the playground and will kill anyone who gets in his way, innocent women and children definitely included. Sometimes America will even get creative; he’ll build up fake enemies, arm, train, fund and then place them somewhere, just to have a reason to go over there and fight them to take that place over. Or America will pretend those enemies did something to America first as a pretext.

But I digress… When you leave America, it’s not even really like a girlfriend breaking up with a boyfriend (with the boyfriend making dubious claims the girl owes him a bunch of money he can’t actually prove she legitimately owes to try and keep her there).

No, leaving turns more into a pimp/ho situation because to expatriate also means an American typically has to prove at least five years of U.S. tax compliance (even though, as I alluded to a second ago, the U.S. still hasn’t proven there’s any law anywhere that requires American citizens to pay an income tax). So now America is the pimp who is turning over the ho’s apartment, making sure she didn’t hide any of her earnings in a coffee can under the mattress from him to squeeze out just a bit more before she can go… (A no-knock raid of course…)

On top of that, let’s say the ho has been working the streets to save up money to buy her “freedom” from America (you know, the “Land of the Free”).

Well, if that ho put all her dough in savings and earned $2 million, a number which used to signal someone was filthy stinking rich but these days seems more like playing with Monopoly money, well, then she has to pay her pimp America an additional exit tax. But even if she had only earned enough to buy her place, owns it and wants to sell it before she leaves, she still has to pay a capital gains tax.

How serious is America about all of this? Judge Judy small claims court serious? No, more like finding you and hunting you down serious. Putting more people in jail than any other nation on the face of the planet per capita serious. Guys with badges and guns in every bureaucracy to eat our your substance serious.

Just one little case in point: apparently London Mayor Boris Johnson (a guy accused of being an EU/NWO puppet whom the website Boriswatch.com says is, “frankly, the mutt’s nads,” but that’s not the point of this particular point), was born in America and lived here until he was five years old before moving to Britain. He has lived his entire life in Britain, pays taxes there and uses only his British passport. Now the U.S. has decided to come after him for capital gains tax after over four decades. That’s how serious America is about it. Johnson literally wrote a column about how he is “getting a divorce from America” and says he refuses to pay it.

But several things make the average American’s relationship with America worse even than pimp/ho level. For one thing, America is busy outsourcing all the ho work to hos from other countries who will take a huge pay cut to get the job done, leaving all the American hos without a street corner to even work on.

While the idea of democracy is flaunted in our faces here in America, our government which is supposed to be of elected representatives (or at least that’s what America tells us every election cycle) has been using the law of our land known as The Constitution as a piece of toilet paper for years now, and our entire system has obviously been turned against us in so many more ways than one that it would take an entire library of books to enumerate.

As FreeandEqual.org wrote, “Some few are so free here that their liberties far surpass anything Francis Scott Key could ever have imagined. There are some for whom laws simply do not apply. These few have acquired so much power that they even help write laws to benefit themselves, to the detriment of everyone else.” (Yeah. Those guys and gals are known as mega-corporation heads, billionaire elites, NWO puppets and their lobbyist bought-and-paid-for Congresspeople aka spineless mouthpieces for special interests aka the pimp’s evil little henchmen/henchwomen underling trolls.)

Continued, “They get laws passed on holidays, in the middle of the night… They bury offensive legislation in phone-book-length bills. They use ‘Fast Track’ legislation, which circumvents the democratic process…”

One of those things is coming up shortly in the form of a $1 TRILLION (see, told ya, Monopoly money) spending bill which The Hill reports watchdog groups are already nervously bracing for all the yummy little “surprises” they’ll find in it after it is passed. “You have to not just be a speed-reader, but really be a superman to get through all of it,” Steve Ellis, vice president at Taxpayers for Common Sense told The Hill. “We’re ready to be surprised.” He doesn’t mean happy time birthday party surprised, either.

This is just another worthless penny in the piss-ridden fountain of reasons some people have started calling America the “Land of the Fee, Home of the Slave.”

Yep, every time a new baby is born in America, his or her debt is already calculated at over $56,000 according to the U.S. National Debt Clock.

What about this doesn’t scream “abusive relationship?”

America lies to you over and over, cheats on you, lies to and tries to brainwash your children that he’s awesome, beats you, tries to take away your ability to defend yourself every chance he gets, and might even choke you to death for doing something he doesn’t like without any due process of law, eats you out of house and home, and spies on your every move, grinning in your face all the while…because America is like an evil, corrupt mafia don and you are part of “da family”…

The “federal family.”

Good luck leaving that.

But yeah. America is like a bad boyfriend. Let’s just go with that cute little analogy. The truth isn’t nearly as funny.