Flying So Traumatic for Americans, Airports Now Offering Pigs in Ballerina Tutus Playing Toy Pianos for “Therapy”

Going to the airport and waiting through four-hour long lines to get molested by government agents just so you can get on a plane is really be getting to a large swath of Americans. People must be cracking under the pressure and deciding that flying just isn’t worth it anymore, and that if they want to have rape nightmares, they can save their $500 and hours of their life that they’ll never get back and watch a Miley Cyrus music video instead.

In an effort to entice people back to airplanes despite the fact that it’s obviously causing psychological damage, airports are offering all kinds of things from musicians to clowns making balloon animals and now, San Francisco International Airport is preemptively offering a troop of SPCA-trained therapy animals they call the “Wag Brigade” which includes a pig named LiLou that wears a variety of little ballerina tutus while playing a small toy piano for people.

That’s right. Going to the airport in America is now such a traumatic experience, airports are trying to make people feel better by dressing up farm animals in dance costumes and making them play toy pianos.

This is a thing now. I’d say something else about it, but I’m too busy trying not to weep for America.

Happy flying.