Australian Govt Forces Johnny Depp and Amber Heard to Record Creepy Hostage Apology Video for Bringing Undeclared Pets into the Country

Whatever you do, don’t forget to declare your pet dogs when you visit Australia.

If you do, you might be held hostage in a torture camp, brainwashed, and forced to record an awkward, creepy “hostage” video apologizing like this one featuring Johnny Depp and Amber Heard:

At least, that’s what it looks like.

In what has been dubbed “the war on terrier,” Depp and Heard recorded this video on the importance of Australia’s biosecurity laws in order to appease the Australian government after Heard failed to declare they were bringing their pet dogs Pistol and Boo into the country on their private jet.

As if pets owned by rich stars are the scariest “biosecurity” threat imaginable. Looks like the Australian police state gestapo thought they’d capitalize on a couple’s stardom for a free PSA about biosecurity laws, but the whole thing just makes people who have watched it not want to go to Australia. Ever.

The video speaks for itself. The two look absolutely forced to choke out every single word, starting immediately with Heard’s intro “Australia is a wonderful island…” don’t kill my dogs don’t kill my dogs please  and continuing with Depp’s line, “And Australians are just as unique, both warm and direct…”

Yeah. We can really tell.

“…if you disrespect Australian law, they will tell you firmly…”

I’m sure they will.

The Guardian‘s Stuart Heritage got it right, straight up referring to it as “mind control”:

I’ve seen the Depp and Heard apology video five times now, and that can be the only possible explanation. There is no universe, theoretical or otherwise, in which Depp and Heard are saying any of this stuff willingly. Something, clearly, must have happened to them.

You can mute it and do a bad lip reading yourself:

“Australia is awesome. They are treating us well here. The food is nourishing and delicious. They certainly aren’t holding our dogs hostage in a James Bond-esque metal cage over a pool of starving rabid sharks right now as we record this. Please come to Australia. It is great. Thank you.”