By Heather callaghan
If we’re not laughing, we’re crying, right? It’s hard to find humor when depressing reports constantly assault our psyches by depicting the blatant trampling of our rights.
But being a “rebel” today means different types of battles and fronts than in the days of our founding fathers – although the inspiration is the same. The following are just a few ways you can really live it up this Independence Day.
We want you to add your own in the comments!
Drink raw milk. Better yet, meet your Amish “dealer” at a state line and drink your illegal public health safety risk with one foot in each state.
If you’re self employed and send quarterly taxes to the IRS, use an invisible envelope with invisible money – same difference.
Call a random cell phone number. *Brrriing-Brrriing Hello…NSA? Happy Independence Daaaayyy!
Visit a rebel naturopathic doctor before they’re completely outlawed. Get your nutrition advice from an illegal consultant or a blogger who’s on trial, the ones who are not state certified ADA drones.
Dig up a genetically modified crop – it’s the biggest new thing in Europe, very chic these days, and we can’t let those blokes show us up when it comes to revolution.
Get involved in any jury opportunity. Nullify-nullify-nullify! Raise hell – be the 12th Angry Man.
Get arrested for the following: sit on a park bench and eat donuts, hand out juror rights before a trial, record a police shoot out with your cell phone, dance at the Jefferson Memorial, ask a cop a question, or buy bottled water.
Smile for your police profile, then make your mugshot your Facebook profile pic.
Weave some clothing from industrialized hemp.
Go “Robin Hooding.” (Google it, then do it – it’s fun!)
Grow a front-yard garden – hang a sign that says “NO BUREAUCRATS!”
Might as well get some heritage pigs while you’re at it. Are you up in Michigan? Ooooh, you cheeky rebel, You!
Vote third party or for whoever floats your boat – heavens no, what a waste!
Or don’t vote if you feel you shouldn’t. And when someone tells you, “If you don’t vote, you have no right to complain,” express your right to complain even louder!
Go into the average church in America and start talking about Ron Paul, foreign policy, or Austrian economics. Seriously, have you ever tried this? You will need the shoes from the boy in The Sandlot. Start running.
Deliver your freedom baby at home. Refuse vaccination even while told you may not take exemption. “NO” is a complete sentence – the founding fathers said “no,” maybe with more words.
Send that kid to school with healthy lunches and Kombucha drinks – they’ll call the bomb squad.
Wait! Did you catch that? Why would a rebel do that?? UNSCHOOL!
Eat lots of calories, you devil you! Eat potatoes! The latest media diet buzz pushes small portions, potatoes are bad, eat few calories, and NO snacking – who’s hungry?? Eating real food is an act of rebellion today – because thriving is a rarity.
Throw a party and serve grass-fed burgers and raw milk shakes. Treat your vegetarian and vegan friends to your organically grown garden – soon to be illegal. Serve up your organic cucumbers, bean sprouts, and alfalfa – they know there’s no e.coli on them, right?
Make iced tea with non-fluoridated water.
Speaking of which – check into decalcifying that pineal gland. You’re gonna need that third eye to stay sane in an insane world.
Let your kids have a lemonade stand . . . until the cops shut them down.
Enjoy some FDA-seized elderberry juice concentrate in sparkling mineral water.
Speaking of elderberry, drive by your local DHS Fusion center, stick your head out the window, make a face and yell out your favorite Monty Python quote.
Visit the TSA wearing a diaper on the outside of your pants. During the search throw the diaper in the air! That might be over the top, but remember when the TSA was really into diapers? Like, literally?
If TSA doesn’t confiscate your diaper, give it to a cow. They won’t be allowed to fart outdoors anymore.
Find a clean cow-free area, start gulping in lots of puffs of air. When someone asks what you’re doing, say you are hoarding it before they tax it.
If you feel like celebrating what’s left of your freedom this year, shoot off fireworks a few decibels above the allowable city ordinance sound levels. Don’t use guns, you’d be wasting precious ammo, hard to come by.
Plus, people might mistake you for the blockhead who thinks freedom is a country song about an eagle flying over a faded bellowing American flag backdrop.
Buy some precious metals. You won’t be allowed to purchase gold and silver very soon – you outlaw!
Invite your friends to a movie night at your house and get them all pumped up. But when they get there, show a movie like America: Freedom to Fascism. They will think that is so considerate and thoughtful of you…
When someone experiences cognitive dissonance and decides to challenge you to a game of wits, only answer in terms of: “So…??” “So what?” or “And…??” They’ll come around and get there eventually.
READ THE CONSTITUTION . . . so you can remember it when it’s completely erased. Fahrenheit 451 style.
Read it by the light of an incandescent bulb.
Better yet, out in the bright sun with no sunscreen!
That’s right, choosing not to slather on that toxic white goop is truly radical! Plus, the sun is awesome.
React with kindness. Live a great life. Humor is your strength.
The most rebellious act?
Know, I mean really know…
That you are free from the inside-out because you exist and you are precious!
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