The Eclipse Is RACIST! Here’s The “Proof!”

A new article has surfaced explaining why the solar eclipse is racist. A once-great magazine has determined that the total eclipse of the sun today will fail to affect enough black people, making the planetary event, racist.

And we’ve broken down the long article for you. The article created by The Atlantic titled “American Blackout” clocks in at a remarkable 4,544 words and does not appear to be satire. But it has one obvious message that it attempts to convey to the reader: the path the eclipse has chosen to follow is racist because it doesn’t go through areas where there is a higher level of minority populations residing.

On August 21, 2017, a total solar eclipse will arrive mid-morning on the coast of Oregon. The moon’s shadow will be about 70 miles wide, and it will race across the country faster than the speed of sound, exiting the eastern seaboard shortly before 3 p.m. local time. It has been dubbed the Great American Eclipse, and along most of its path, there live almost no black people.

Presumably, this is not explained by the implicit bias of the solar system. -The Atlantic

Almost right away, we read that the solar system has a bias. But, Brooklyn Law School professor Alice Ristroph‘s long winded article assures readers that “implicit bias of the solar system” is “presumably” not the cause of eclipse’s failure to affect enough black people. Yet the astronomical event is still a message, according to Ristroph. “Still, an eclipse chaser is always tempted to believe that the skies are relaying a message.”

And the message is, this eclipse is racist.

Oregon, where the eclipse will first appear in the continental United States, “is almost entirely white.” “There are very few black Oregonians, and this is not an accident.” It’s totally on purpose in 2017, The Atlantic claims, because the Pacific Northwest state had a “racial exclusion” clause in its original 1857 constitution. –Daily Caller

But the racist eclipse just continues on its racist path from there, over Idaho, and Wyoming. Areas in which not many minorities reside, so again, the racist eclipse continues on its racist path of totality across the United States.

The article details more “damning” facts about history and the census, which somehow the writer manages to use to make the mental leap that the eclipse is sending a message of racism by failing to affect enough black people. Perhaps the biggest piece of irony is that at no time in the article’s incoherent rambling did it touch on actual science – yet the article is in the website’s “science” category.

The real question is why do humans insist on making racism a joke?