Ted Cruz Takes Iowa, Trump Somehow in Second, Hillary Magically Beats Bernie with “VIrtually Improbable” Coin Toss Skills

Here’s the latest on the Iowa Caucus last night (you know, for if you are one of those people who still believes in the legitimacy of this whole process the way small children believe in the tooth fairy).

We are told that somehow Ted Cruz won, despite the fact that Donald Trump has been leading in every poll pretty much ever for months now going in.

Cruz posted this Tweet:

Thank you Iowa! This is OUR time. Join us: https://t.co/YBcXsTJlj4 pic.twitter.com/hrHfyyo253

— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) February 2, 2016

Which makes him seem like a mix between Mr. Rogers, The Simpsons’ Ned Flanders, and some effeminate middle aged guy who was born in Canada (oh wait…).

Our time to do what? Lie about being someone you aren’t until you get into office? Anyone who takes the time to seriously look into Ted and his wife should be running in the opposite direction.

Cruz is a former Bush advisor and lawyer who met his Council on Foreign Relations, Goldman Sachs, North American Union-endorsing wife while she was a Bush advisor, too. What else do you really need to know? A vote for Cruz over there is a vote for Bush. Cruz bows at the Bush dynasty altar. (source)

Trump got 24 percent (7 delegates) to Cruz’s 28 percent (8 delegates), while Rubio came in third (23 percent, 7 delegates), Carson fourth (3 delegates), and Rand fifth (1 delegate). Everyone else had varying degrees of losing and muddying the waters enough that had they simply not been there to begin with, all those wasted votes together could’ve changed the outcome… then again, that’s probably the point. Bush, somehow, managed to actually get a delegate with three whole percent, even though his Super PAC is now paying people to attend his rallies.

On the Democratic side, Hillary’s camp claims she is breathing a “sigh of relief” for her “win” but come on. She was in a virtual tie with Bernie to the point that, in six Iowa counties, they had to have a coin toss. As if our elections aren’t fake enough.

Today we are told that somehow, magically, Hillary Clinton has the luckiest coin toss skills ever and that she was able to get ALL SIX.

Wow, sounds like the most statistically improbable coin toss luck ever!!

Via The Blaze’s “Hillary Clinton Has The Most Statistically Improbable Coin-Toss Luck Ever”

In all six instances, the coin toss was won by former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton over Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders.

There may have been more coin tosses, but those are the ones we know about for now.

Now, get ready to do some math.

In a single coin toss, the probability of calling the toss correctly is 50 percent, or one in two. Heads or tails.

But the probably of winning every flip out of six flips is one in 64, or 1.56 percent.

Yeah… right. She’s such a cheater, I wouldn’t be surprised if they gave her a weighted coin.

Regardless, here is how close it came:

Clinton’s final delegate count was 699.57, according to the Iowa Democratic Party. Sanders’ was 695.49.

If Sanders had won half of the coin tosses and split the six delegates three and three with Clinton, he would have finished at 698.49 delegates to Clinton’s 696.57.

They are saying it is the closest Iowa Caucus in the state’s history. Not exactly the shoo-in victory the Clinton camp is pretending it is.

So now Clinton has 28 delegates instead of the 22 she actually got through votes, to Sanders’ 21.

Look at the creepy statement the Hillary camp released after all this went down.

She just really wanted to make sure people knew that she won… A lot like Gollum walks around freaking out about his precioussssss. Who is she really trying to reassure there with that victory announcement, us or herself?? Microsoft called it for Hillary before the vote was even counted. We all know the fix is in.

Oh yeah, and O’Malley announced the suspension of his campaign last night, but if you are like most people, you don’t even know who that is.

Like this entire thing isn’t entirely rigged anyway. Playing the lottery is more rational. It’s like Mark Twain said, “If voting made any difference they wouldn’t let us do it.”

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