Dear God I’ve heard it all now.
I was cruising around the web at silly o’clock this morning, the dog needed to go out and woke me at an ungodly hour, which is rare so I’m not too seething about it. Anyway, I came across an article on Infowars regarding food and it’s links to racism… no I’m not joking. (Neither am I saying that Infowars agrees with this stance, they are just reporting on it.)
It transpires that I am a racist. There is no doubt apparently, my food choices give me away. At first I thought this was a spoof, but no, I clicked the links and read for myself the articles that indicate beyond doubt that I am indeed a racist.
So I sent the following email to a bunch of friends:
Morning, I know it’s early, and that like any sane person you are still asleep but can you give this your attention as soon as you read it. Do you think I’m racist?
Apparently ‘evidence’ suggest that my food choices indicate inherent racism on my part. Examples:
- Not liking overly spicy Mexican food.
- Eating at set meal times.
- Disliking peanut butter and jam sandwiches possibly also makes me anti-American.
I am a touch concerned that the Chinese may be offended at my version of chow mein…it’s not exactly authentic, and can you please not tell anyone I loathe sushi.
I sent this to Sunita, Mike, Milin, Del-Boy, Paul, Bashir, Becky, Tina, Kevin, Andy, Moses, Claire, Zakki, Diana, Abe and Eliza.
These people range from lily white with red hair and freckles to skin the colour of ebony. One is Hindu, one is Jewish, three are some form of Christian, one is Muslim, two worship money and one worships Playboy magazine, the rest I have no idea about. Two are doctors, one is a pilot, one is a nurse, one stay at home mom, one a university lecturer, one a teacher, three are medical technicians, one is a research fellow, one an outward bound leader, there’s a gardener in there and also a dog breeder, one is retired and one is unemployed.
Without being anti-anything, I should maybe point out that only two genders are represented here, because even though one is a lesbian she is, by her own definition female with no desire to be anything else.
I am not even going to print some of the replies I’ve had as I would most likely be prosecuted under obscenity laws.
What has come through from the replies is that my friends do not regard me as being racist in any way, form or food. They cite parties, where my home has looked like a United Nations meeting such is the diversity of guests, surely not the type of party a racist would put together?
Okay, I have had a bit of fun at the expense of the idiots who allude to actually knowing what they are talking about but on a serious note this is all getting very out of hand. It is political correctness gone mad and it’s getting to the point where those of us who aren’t ‘of colour’ are going to be pilloried for anything and everything that could be deemed offensive.
I have three words at this point. ROCHDALE CHILD ABUSE. This was covered up, denied, and saw officials looking the other way because those involved in running the abuse ring were of Asian decent and they didn’t want to cause offence to the wider Asian population. WTF????
( I have heard that Asian in the USA is what we would call Oriental. UK Asian is those from the Indian continent. See how easy mistakes can happen?)
It’s not just race that falls under the umbrella of political correctness. Our postman has no issue with being called a postman. He is male and he delivers post. No, he is now a mail delivery operative. The guys who empty the dustbins are not entirely thrilled about being called waste removal technicians either, especially when they still get paid the same as a boring old dustman, technician does sound like it would pay higher thinking about it.
Finally, if the brown paper bags that all these racially offensive foods are wrapped in are themselves racist because of the colour tie to African Americans I would suggest that the African Americans who are that colour see a doctor as a matter of urgency.
- African Americans are not usually the colour of brown paper bags.
- Becoming the colour of a brown paper bag could indicate a severe health problem.
- For the sake of inclusiveness any Caucasian becoming the colour of a brown paper bag possibly has liver problems and should seek help immediately.
- South Americans and Asians are nearer the colour of brown paper bags and should worry less than African Americans and Caucasians.
- Caucasians who have been somewhere exotic should worry less as a deep tan could resemble the colour of a brown paper bag.
- I advise you all to keep a range of brown paper bags at home and make a note of which one is nearest your skin tone. That way if you deviate too much from your chosen bag you will know right away it’s time to see a doctor.
Finally, isn’t it racist to link brown paper bags to only one group of people? Brown paper bags come in a wide variety of shades and I feel totally excluded as they have only been linked to African Americans. I have light olive skin that goes a deep mucky brown when exposed to the slightest bit of sunlight. What about me? Why are they discriminating against me? What did I do that’s so bad I am not included on the brown paper bag scale?
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Contributed by Lizzie Bennett of Underground Medic.
Lizzie Bennett retired from her job as a senior operating department practitioner in the UK earlier this year. Her field was trauma and accident and emergency and she has served on major catastrophe teams around the UK. Lizzie publishes Underground Medic on the topic of preparedness.