Secret Service Adding Iron Spikes to White House Fence to Keep Intruders Out

The Secret Service has finally come up with a plan the agency believes will keep those pesky fence jumpers out of the executive mansion at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue: iron spikes.

Spikes will be added over the next six weeks to the eight-foot-high fence as at least a temporary solution to all these people who have magically become paranoid or begin hearing voices and then suddenly attempt to break into the White House.

Last September 42-year-old Omar Gonzalez, an Iraq vet suffering PTSD who had voices in his head and felt like the atmosphere was collapsing, jumped the gate and made it into the White House.  Apparently the other five rings of security in place, including attack dogs and SWAT, weren’t good enough. Gonzalez was later sentenced to 17 months in prison.

The very next day Kevin Carr drove past a security checkpoint after claiming he had been in contact with Obama telepathically. He was later released on his own recognizance and told never to come back. A California man scaled the fence even more recently in April, carrying a bag with a toothbrush in it because he claimed the president “needs to be protected“. He’s been ordered to wear a GPS ankle bracelet and has also been told not to return.

Guess this is still better than Tennessee Democratic Rep. Steven Cohen’s suggestion last November that building a moat around the White House would be an “attractive” and “effective” safety option.

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