Of Course Bernie Sanders Sold Out — Why Are You Surprised?

Editor’s Note: It really was a pitiful thing to watch…

“What we are dealing with now is nothing less than another Empire on the brink of collapse–more than likely of its own weight & twisted priorities. This process is already well underway. Everything Nixon stands for is doomed, now or later.

“But it will sure as hell be later if the best alternative we can mount is a generation of loonies who’ve given up on everything except a revival of the same old primitive bullshit that caused all our troubles from the start.” -Hunter S. Thompson

In a move that shocked faux-socialists everywhere Chairman Sanders went out on stage and officially endorsed none other than the Lizard Queen herself.

It was a sight to see, Sanders led in chains and forced to beg not only for his life but the lives of his devoted followers as Hillary watched from a chair made almost exclusively of Syrian children. “I have come here to make it as clear as possible why I am endorsing Hillary Clinton and why she must become our next president,” Sanders uttered under armed guard, “Secretary Clinton has won the Democratic nomination and I congratulate her for that.” Sanders would spend the next 45 minutes slowly assuring his armed party cadres around the country that this was exactly what he wanted, that all his talk of healthcare and socialism had been “window dressing,” simply too much to ask in these “dangerous times.”

The worst was yet to come however. As Hillary’s forked tongue began sniffing the air and tasting the tears of millions Sanders brokenly said “I intend to do everything I can to make certain she will be the next president of the United States.” Democratic Socialism, a new ideology that might have left a lasting impression on the political machinery of the United States, disappeared in an instant.

The political revolution was over.

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