How Sad: Desperate Jeb Bush Now Offering “Chest Bumps” for Votes

In jeopardy of being forced to drop from the race after expecting a cake walk, Jeb Bush is now desperate to “reboot” and manufacture some support for his campaign.

The heir to the Bush political dynasty is now offering converts chest bumps in exchange for vowing their support.

Jeb spontaneously posed for the cool points, after a voter told him he’d changed his mind and seen the wisdom of another Bush in the White House after the last debate. The NYT reported:

Asked to explain why Mr. Bush, the former Florida governor, had bumped pectoral regions with another man — a City Council member, as it turned out — Mr. Bush obliged. The man, he said, “was a co-chairman for Ted Cruz, and he came up to me and said: ‘I’ve changed my mind after the debate. I’m for you.’ ”

Jeb! is now officially offering chest bumps to any converts anywhere. How will he find the time for all those bumps?

“I do that for every convert,” Mr. Bush said with a laugh, turning to a group of reporters following him. “Anytime you guys want to try a chest bump, I’m all in.”

Here’s the fully glory of the do-anything-for-votes stage of Bush’s campaign:

The moment captured press attention for the event in Waukee Iowa, since there was literally no more than a handful of other people even there. Press cameras and staff seemingly outweighed supporters. Go figure.

Cruz supporter tells Bush he’s now backing him instead. Bush gives him a chest bump. pic.twitter.com/S201SJEabh

— Ashley Killough (@KilloughCNN) November 12, 2015

Some have described the move as the “most awkward thing possible.”

The failing political game of the elite patrician network is again evidence that the old establishment has lost the trust of the Republican voters, who are throwing their voices behind fresh faces and those willing to boldly address the concerns of the masses (i.e. Trump and illegal immigration).

To hold onto power, Bush is trying literally anything to “cool” up his dull, crusty image. The other day he effectively vowed to go back in time to kill baby Hitler, a silly sound byte to draw attention to his campaign despite the inconvenient fact that his own grandfather Prescott Bush actually helped to fund the rise of Hitler.

Somewhere in the background, Ben Carson has been under sudden character attack, with mud flinging in full force to sink his campaign and narrow the field for well-funded come-from-behind candidates (wink, wink).

Despite the fact that all the poll numbers unanimously make clear that Jeb has no chance of winning the nomination and campaign finance details show that he has absolutely no ground support, Bush is not dropping out. He is in make-over mode. Americans have expressed their distaste for the Bush dynasty, but the dish is still being pushed on the menu, and not without plenty protest and disdain.

Nevertheless, there is still that sinking feeling that with a few dirty tricks and more money he could slime into the nomination anyway.

Just don’t turn your back on a Bush. The danger remains, though it is certainly enjoyable to watch the Bushes get their comeuppance, and writhe around in a spectacular public display of failure and rejection.

Maybe the awakening is happening after all.