“Hillary for the Holidays”: I Wish I Had a Time Machine to Avoid Mrs. Clinton’s Presidential Bid

Well, it’s Christmas again, and is it really the weather outside that’s frightful?

Better yet, why do Hillary Clinton’s Super PACs seem dead set on torturing us all?

No, it’s a serious question.

I mean, this woman is already positioned to flush our country down the toilet… Does she have to ruin the holidays, too?

For Heaven sakes, she hasn’t even officially announced that she’s going to run yet!

First, the Stand with Hillary PAC just put out a face-melting, cheesier than a literal piece of cheese, “I think I just threw up in my mouth a little,” CAN’T UNSEE country music video (you’ve been warned) about how awesome of a president Hillary will make — a song which made sure to toss every cliché about Midwestern and/or Southern Americans ever in a blender (cowboy boots, American flags, apple pie, bulldozers, and I guess… What…? The stereotype of a country bumpkin who bleeds red, white, and blue with a low IQ?).

This video is a review of the song in question and not the actual song.

Why? Because you have to willingly make the choice to listen to it yourself.

Why? Because I don’t want to be charged with assault, that’s why.

Now the Ready for Hillary PAC is trying to sell “Hillary merch” for Christmas left and right as if the “I’m Ready for Hillary” bumper sticker in and of itself isn’t already bad enough.

You know Ready for Hillary; they’re the ones that came out with a picture slideshow of Hillary set to the Katy Perry pop song “Roar” last spring (which, prior to the country song puke-a-thon, was bad enough all on its own).

Check it out. It’s “Hillary for the Holidays!”:

Yeeeeaah…

Because I want to give someone a gift that says, “I went out of my way and even spent my own money supporting a fascist psychopath to let you know on Christmas of all days just how much I can’t stand you as a human being.”

Can you imagine walking into someone’s house who has decked out their tree in “I’m Ready for Hillary” ornaments, is drinking out of “I’m Ready for Hillary” wine glasses and using Hillary quote napkins that say, “I really do hope that we have a woman president in my lifetime,” signed Hillary Clinton?

For me, it’d be a lot like walking into a serial killer’s house and finding his collection of body parts that have been turned into functional furniture items, complete with jars of his victim’s hair and toenail clippings.

*Shiver*

But look! There are so many options because “Baby, it’s cold outside!”

Yep! You’ll have the “hots” for the formidable fleece collection!

Because when I’m already self-conscious jogging out in public, nothing says, “Give me strange looks like you feel sorry for me” more than an “I’m Ready for Hillary Formidable Fleece Headband.”

I want to know why anyone buy someone an “I’m ready for Hillary” baby hat as a Christmas present. Is that to let the person know you hate their baby or just them?

Better yet, why not get the hat, scarf and blanket and deck yourself out…as I would if I wanted to alert people that I might have Ebola and they should stay at least 10 feet away from me at all times in order not to possibly catch it.

That reminds me. I wonder if Bill Gates’ elitist population control buddy Warren Buffet bought any of those shirts or hats or bumper stickers, considering CNN is reporting he gave his highly publicized “first ever” donation to an independent political group (in the amount of $25,000, a figure he probably makes every time his shriveled little heart beats) to Ready for Hillary just over a week ago.

Again, Hillary Clinton scares me and the only thing that scares me more is the thought that she might be president come 2016.

We have over 300 million people living in this country. Approximately half are women. We can’t find somebody…anybody else…to be the first woman president? We have to go with… Hillary?

But but… Why?

Because of her impressive resumé?

Here are some of the High (read:low) lights:

• Being the consummate Washington insider but managing to get TIME Magazine to publish propaganda that she is an outsider instead
• Whitewater
• Cattlegate
• Travelgate
• Vince Foster’s mysterious death (and many more, something referred to loving as “the Clinton body count”)
• the Walmart takeover (did you know she sat on the board of Walmart right before that whole cheap influx of Chinese goods small-town America funeral happened?)
• Hillarycare
• “What difference at this point does it make?” Benghazi
• The State Dept. accidentally misplacing $6 billion while she was Secretary of State
• Her pro-GMO speaking engagement (on tape)
• Laughing at getting a child rapist off (on tape)
• Laughing with glee at the lynching of Qaddafi (also on tape)
• Laughing onstage at the thought of bombing Iran and potentially starting World War III (again, on tape)
• Whining about being broke and “struggling” after her and Bill left the White House (so broke they had to borrow money to buy a $6 million house to show off while she ran for Senate there… You know, that kind of broke).

And many more! It’s like a black cloud of Hillary doom!

Have you seen what her standard speaking engagement requests include (besides the hundreds of thousands she charges in speaking engagement fees)? Via the Las Vegas Review-Journal:

■  Round-trip transportation on a chartered private jet “e.g., a Gulfstream 450 or larger jet,” plus round-trip business class travel for two advance staffers who will arrive up to three days in advance.

■  Hotel accommodations selected by Clinton’s staff and including “a presidential suite for Secretary Clinton and up to three (3) adjoining or contiguous single rooms for her travel aides and up to two (2) additional single rooms for the advance staff.”

■ A $500 travel stipend to cover out-of-pocket costs for Clinton’s lead travel aide.

■ Meals and incidentals for Clinton, her travel aides and advance staff, as well as all phone charges.

■ Final approval of all moderators or introducers.

If she’s that much of a diva now, just wait until she’s Prez!

I mean… Hillary?

Really???

She was even fired back in the day when she was Hillary Rodham from the Watergate investigation for what her boss deemed, “lying, unethical behavior” for her unconstitutional actions during that case, and that was all the way back then!!!

All these examples and more can be found in a video I put together below titled, “Are You SERIOUSLY ‘Ready for Hillary’?!” because I find it personally hard to believe any sane, rational people with an IQ over 75 really are ready, no matter how many fleece hats and bumper stickers they buy.

In the meantime, if I decide I am feeling particularly sadistic and really want people to utterly dislike me off-the-bat instantly every time I simply walk in a room, I guess I’ll get myself an “I’m Ready for Hillary” scarf or something.

Otherwise, the woman hasn’t even announced her very obvious upcoming run for president, and already, I wish I knew how to build my very own time machine that could take me to 2017 just to avoid — in every physical way possible — whatever new Hillary-loving-tragedy-to-my-gray-brain-matter these Hillary-crazed Super PACs come up with next.

P.S. — By the way, here is a list of potential presents for thought criminals, which apparently I am, since I’m an American woman who would rather vote for a NYC taxi cab floor mat on New Year’s Day — twice — than Hillary Clinton.