Here are 24 signs that you might be a closet prepper:
- You’ve had a survival blog for 4 years and your spouse doesn’t know.
- Your family does not know there’s a case of Dinty Moore stew hidden in the basement
- You stand around the office water cooler laughing with your buddies about all those tin-foil hat wearers – but you have your own roll of Reynolds Wrap at home.
- You’re an anonymous poster on Infowars.
- While you were supposed to be grocery shopping, you were checking out escape routes out of the city.
- You’ve got a Swiss Army knife on your keychain that looks like a roach clip, instead of a roach clip that looks like a Swiss Army knife.
- You’ve read The Turner Diaries with a flashlight under the bed covers, so now you think you know what’s coming.
- You download Steve Quayle’s podcasts to your i-pod so you can listen to him on your way to work, alone.
- You anonymously put your spouse on a mailing list for wilderness vacation spots.
- You’ve got a browser bookmarks folder named “Recipes” that includes links to Survival Blog, Preparedness Society Forum, the Economic Collapse Blog, Survival Mom, and Surviving Survivalism.
- You’ve told your in-laws that the camping equipment in the garage is because you love the great outdoors.
- You’ve convinced yourself that you like the taste of freeze-dried storage foods.
- You play the video game, Half-Life II to practice what you will do when chaos breaks out.
- Doomsday Preppers is your favorite TV show, but you have to TiVO it so you can watch it when your family is out of the house.
- You’ve asked a survivalist group to try to convince your spouse that prepping is a good idea.
- Your family thinks you’ve become a religious fanatic, but every Sunday morning you are really taking trips into the wilderness.
- You tell your wife the gas mask you bought is to spark up your sex life – you’d rather have her think you’re a pervert than a prepper.
- You run a large “off-grid” website from your London apartment, but you tell your friends it’s just for the monthly Google Analytics check.
- You tell your neighbors that you bought a HumVee for its gas mileage.
- You visit different survival communities every weekend, telling your girlfriend/boyfriend that “It’s just a free camping weekend!”
- You’ve built a house out of rocks deep in the woods while your wife/husband thought you were taking philosophy classes at the local college.
- While you are in the bathroom getting ready for work, you day dream about leaving society behind and living the self-sufficient life.
- You pray that company doesn’t want to stay overnight, because if you open the sofa bed they’ll see all your Survival magazines.
- You’re just waiting for the day when you can say, “See? I told you!”
Dan & Sheila are the authors of Surviving Survivalism – How to Avoid Survivalism Culture Shock. They can be reached at email@example.com
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