Reporter Arrested for Pooping on the Lawn of the Football Player Who Ritualistically Sacrificed His Dog Because His Teen’s Shirt Was Evil

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Top Tier Gear USA

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KPHO Reporter Jonathan Lowe

Headlines like that are simply too bizarre to make up.

What in the hell is happening to people these days? It’s like everyone is losing it.

When 42-year-old former Arizona State University football player Patrick Zane Thompson lost it over the fact that he didn’t like the shirt he teenage daughter chose to wear because Thompson “thought the shirt was demonic,” he made his daughter take the shirt out and burn it in a large barbecue cooker reports KPHO.

Then he decided the only way to “fix” the situation was ritual male sacrifice, which he announced to his family would have to be either himself, his six-year-old son, or the family’s poodle. The family tried to escape but Thompson got the dog, strangled it and broke its neck, then burned it in the barbecue cooker as well. Police showed up and found him on the sidewalk ranting about how God and the devil made him do that. He was charged with animal cruelty, assault, threats against his family, and tampering with evidence.

What does all of this have to do with a journalist crapping on the lawn you ask?

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KPHO Reporter Jonathan Lowe getting arrested for pooping on the front lawn.

Well, as The American Mirror points out, when KPHO reported on this story, they left out the fact that their own reporter sent to cover this story, television journalist Jonathan Lowe, was arrested that afternoon after neighbors across the street called the cops on him for taking a crap on Thompson’s lawn while he was there.

According to the New Times:

Goodyear police haven’t released the arrest report, but the department confirms that the citation was for defecation. Kutis says the arrest took place at about 3:10 p.m., and that at the time various media outlets had been “in the neighborhood of the home where the dog incident took place.”

The New Times contacted Lowe’s news director, Dan Wilson, about his arrest, but Wilson declined to discuss what he described as a “personnel issue.”

Wilson also provided an excuse for why the news site did not report on Lowe’s troubles. “Without a police report, we are waiting to make editorial decision based on more information, and so we’re looking for that information,” Wilson said.

Lowe was booked at the Goodyear Police station and cited with violating Goodyear code 11-1-30 prohibiting “public urination or defecation,” which is a misdemeanor that carries a potential penalty of six months in jail and a $2,500 fine.

The punchline?

The comments.

Screenshot 2016-05-20 at 11.07.10 AM Screenshot 2016-05-20 at 11.06.39 AM

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Piper writes for The Daily Sheeple. There’s a lot of B.S. out there. Someone has to write about it.

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  • Doyle Nibits

    I’m surprised the monkey didn’t fling the poo at him.

    • M_111

      Literally giggled when I read your comment.

    • Doyle Nibits

      What are you talking about? You’re off the subject.

    • Doyle Nibits

      Behave like a monkey, you should be called a monkey.

      • travtw

        Yeah Nevermind the ex football who sacrificed his dog because his daughter wore an “evil” shirt. Nevermind making his family choose whom to sacrifice while screaming god this/Satan that. Glad to know the monkey pooping on the lawn grabbed your attention.

        • Doyle Nibits

          What does that have to do with all the racist remarks you made?

  • doucyet

    Was the spontaneous poop caused from eating the BBQ?

  • Mr Larry

    I’ve had terrible diarrhea before. When you’ve got to go, you’ve gotta go.

    • sunshine ✓ᵀʳᵘᵐᵖ ˢᵘᵖᵖᵒʳᵗᵉʳ

      Man tell me about it! Better than shitting your pants!

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  • sunshine ✓ᵀʳᵘᵐᵖ ˢᵘᵖᵖᵒʳᵗᵉʳ

    That’s the craziest headline ever!

  • So a journalist took a good story and shit all over it? Tell me something new… 🙂

  • RandyJ/ProudSurvivor

    Someone’s got to get this guy a pooper scooper for Christmas. And some baggies…

  • Tatiana Covington

    Fucking moron.

  • Mandy

    what a shitty reporter!

  • Brooklyn Dave

    WHAT WERE THEY BOTH SMOKING?

  • Tatiana Covington

    All for a “poo”dle.