Google Patents Creepy New Toys That Spy on Your Kids, Control Smart Devices in Your Home

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Top Tier Gear USA


Just when you think Google (read: our real-life Skynet) can’t get any creepier, they go and aspire.

Now the megacorporation has patented a fun new toy that comes complete with hidden microphones and cameras, spies on your child’s activities and conversations, responds to his or her social cues, and can control smart devices in your home.


The patent abstract says:

An anthropomorphic device, perhaps in the form factor of a doll or toy, may be configured to control one or more media devices. Upon reception or a detection of a social cue, such as movement and/or spoken word or phrase, the anthropomorphic device may aim its gaze at the source of the social cue. In response to receiving a voice command, the anthropomorphic device may interpret the voice command and map it to a media device command. Then, the anthropomorphic device may transmit the media device command to a media device, instructing the media device to change state.

Let’s see… hidden microphones, hidden cameras, facial and voice recognition, motion detection… the only thing missing from this “toy” is an iris scanner and a DNA reader. (Of course, that’s probably coming soon enough…)

No need to worry about police state spying when you’re busy teaching your child how to spy on himself in about ten different ways.

The word “anthropomorphic” used so many times in conjunction with smart devices that interact with your children (with or without their knowledge) based on social cues and then command things in your home is pretty high on the creep scale, and that’s before Google is even factored into it.

But even this isn’t the creepiest part.

The creepiest part is the drawings included in the patent.




Looks like a rip roaring fun time conditioning your child to entrust himself, his life, and even his social cues to the coming Internet of Things on the big brother smart grid, doesn’t it? Gotta love a world where an anthropomorphic bunny filled with spy devices can control your TV based on your child’s movement.

Considering the goal these days appears to be absolute technocratic control cradle-to-grave, this makes total (but horrifying) sense…

(On a side note, ever feel like you were born in the wrong time period?)

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  • Joe Lizak

    The only thing my kids get to play with is an old worn out car tire hanging from a tree branch.

    • They are locked into a room with nothing but an old tire hanging from a tree branch? Sounds like something only the scumballs at Gitmo could create.

    • Chantal_Designer

      Some dingbats can’t read “tree branch”.. I am from Europe, only had wooden seats, but I used to swing so high, was some of the BEST times I remember as a kid..

      • Shiva

        yeah wooden seat swings had that as a kid as well best times at lest had something soft to land on when the seat broke!

  • Skynet didn’t have any humans in it. Google is nothing but human.

  • Bring it

    There is one way to stop them, don’t buy there toy

  • Tatiana Covington

    There’s a truly great Sci-Fi horror movie in there somewhere!

  • way2inform

    Pleasure model coming 2021! Just countin the days lads !

  • Billy Thompson

    apparently it’s only creepy to some. the rest are all stupid enough to keep buying this sh!t

  • Workstillbroke

    …but it’s so fuzzy and cuddly.

  • Mangosteen, $1000 chair

    I definitely feel like I was born in the wrong time. I remember the 80’s on, and the loss of freedom over the years is appalling. Remember when a person could have a soda, a burger, smoke a cigarette, without a bunch of nanny staters trying to lecture or legislate them to death? And it wasn’t just the freedom to do “bad” things, you just seemed to have a lot more freedom of speech and thought, and you could disagree with people without them calling you names or trying to destroy your life or livelihood. The creepiest toy was Teddy Ruxpin, and most kids didn’t want him anyways (too creepy). How far we’ve fallen, yet so many would consider it “progress”. Sad.