Epic Fail: Less Than 0.02% of America Has Signed Up for Obamacare

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According to a report yesterday by the Wall Street Journal, two sources privy to official government info have confirmed that less than 50,000 and as few as 40,000 people actually signed up for Obamacare through the $600-million epic fail that was Healthcare.gov in the last month.

That’s only 8-10% of the government’s projected figure. Supposedly 700,000 applications have been received through all methods including mostly offline from all 50 states as of last week. Of course, on the first day the website was live, only six people — that’s right, six out of the 314 million people in this country — had successfully signed up for their shiny new health insurance plan created in backroom, off-the-record deals between the insurance companies, Big Pharma and our government that is the resultant magic and wonder of… Obamacare.

The report comes out ahead of the government’s planned release of Obamacare enrollment figures this week. But don’t get too excited and start jumping up and down with sheer joy just yet; this isn’t exactly the Administration well-known for its transparency or anything (that last part was supposed to be a cute throw-away line about the least-transparent Administration in America’s history, sorry, you probably aren’t laughing).

Apparently when the government releases its Healthcare.gov figures report, the definition of ‘enrollee’ will be enhanced for maximum Obamacare sparkliness:

Health insurance plans only count subscribers as enrolled in a health plan once they’ve submited[sic] a payment. That is when the carrier sends out a member card and begins paying doctor bills.

When the Obama administration releases health law enrollment figures later this week, though, it will use a more expansive definition. It will count people who have purchased a plan as well as  those who have a plan sitting in their online shopping cart but have not yet paid.

“In the data that will be released this week, ‘enrollment’ will measure people who have filled out an application and selected a qualified health plan in the marketplace,” said an administration official, who requested anonymity to frankly describe the methodology. (source)

So, when it comes to the definition of Obamacare ‘enrollee’, there’s no real standard of people giving their information to Healthcare.gov and it resulting in them successfully walking away with an actual health insurance plan whatsoever.

It’s not the part about not limiting the count to people who have actually submitted a bona fide payment to their new health insurance provider that adds insult to injury here.

It’s the part where the definition of ‘enrollment’ will be magically enhanced — changed to the bare bones of anyone who has filled out an application and selected a plan. It didn’t specify if that application has to be completed properly or even completed at all.

That’s it. Considering the complete box of utter fail the Obamacare website is, that doesn’t mean jack. 

The Healthcare.gov website was replete with screw ups that even armchair web designers don’t make to the point of Monty Python-esque absurdity, such as not even being able to give even basic correct information about the insurance plans we are all supposed to be buying, duplicate enrollment issues (that’ll do wonders for legitimate enrollment numbers!), spouses being reported as children (each child will surely count as an enrollee too, no matter how many children the system falsely assigns you)…the list goes on and on (and on…did I mention “and on?” P.S. — and on).

No matter; whatever number the government releases, you can be sure they probably got it the same way Miley Cyrus was able to grab news headlines this week. That is, by smoking a joint and twerking in a dwarf’s face at the European MTV music awards.

So, just like the government’s unemployment figures never count all those people who have fallen out of the workplace altogether for various reasons (like finally giving up already because we live in a country where only 47% of the adults even have a full-time job at this point), these figures will be all spiced up with fairy sprinkles and unicorn farts and, like everything else that comes out of the Obama Administration’s mouth, it won’t be worth the paper the Federal Reserve prints its bogus fiat Monopoly money on.

As Reason.com put it:

“The rare early success story” of Obamacare is that a massively expensive program that doesn’t actually accomplish its core objective has jacked up the number of people enrolled in it. So break out the champagne because Medicaid is booming? We really can’t afford to do that now and will be even less likely in a few years.

In the meantime, be sure to visit My Cancellation.com, where you can read letter after letter after letter sent to angry, bitter Americans who have either had their premiums raised in some cases 167%, or had their insurance plan cancelled altogether because it doesn’t meet the Obamacare standard of providing maternity care to single men and other completely ridiculous, useless features that serve no purpose but to spike rates (and make our Health and Human Services secretary look like a complete moron when congresspeople have to explain the basic biology of human birth to her in congressional testimony).

Don’t worry though; the government promises they’ll fix the Obamacare website just like Obama promised at least 36 times that if you liked your health insurance plan, you’d get to keep it. (Good thing Tennessee Senator Brian Kelsey gave Sebellius that Web Sites for Dummies book.)

Never mind that most people wouldn’t even trust the government to make a noodle salad at this point, let alone possess the ability to effectively oversee a large part of the nation’s health insurance.

Well, as Senator Harry Reid said, this is all headed toward a single-payer system where the government completely controls the one and only payment mechanism for all healthcare anyway. Surely most Americans are just beside themselves waiting for the government to have even more control over health care in this country, as it really has been a blast so far.

And by the way, the government still fully expects some 7 million Americans to sign up for their healthcare through the Affordable Care Act exchanges by the end of the year, but they’ve been gracious enough to give us a six-week extension on paying our oh-so-constitutional Obamacare fines if we don’t.


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Contributed by Melissa Dykes of The Daily Sheeple.

Melissa Dykes is a writer, researcher, and analyst for The Daily Sheeple and a co-creator of Truthstream Media with Aaron Dykes, a site that offers teleprompter-free, unscripted analysis of The Matrix we find ourselves living in. Melissa and Aaron also recently launched Revolution of the Method and Informed Dissent. Wake the flock up!

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  • RickE.

    EXCELLENT! Don’t sign up for Commie Care and bankrupt the system! It’s designed to be supported by the employed, younger and healthier people.

  • Hammerun

    Obama is going to move, by design. Obamacare will be kept in place until millions have gotten the cancelation letters and nowhere to go except for what ever is leftover. People will rebel against what’s left of Obamacare. And here comes a single payer Medicare type program. They’ll have no choice, they’ll have to. And ofuckingbama knows it. This I believe has been the plan all along.
    Fuck up the big system, spend billions of dollars, Obama and ilk get millions in kickbacks from the Canadian developers, shock the people with ridiculously high insurance premiums, skyrocketing deductibles, lose their doctors, just basically turn their worlds upside down. Concern and panic will set in and they will willingly grasp at any idea that they can afford. Enter Obamas, single payer.
    My guess will that they will set a monthly premium at $3-400 a month at their limits and requirements, doctors, hospitals and clinics. per person.
    Oh and your treatments and care will also be at their discretions.
    We are on a grand game of chess here. Ive been a chess player all of my life. A good player, plays three move out on each piece on the board. These people are out to five to seven moves while moving the pieces where they want them when we don’t see.
    Again it’s like herding cattle or sheep. If you want them to move a certain direction you anticipate the herds movements and run them to a cliff or a wall and they will turn one way or the other.
    The numbers are so wild right now, 15M to 129M, who knows how many people are going to be affected by this. But you can bet on one thing, they know what they want us to do next. And they are standing ready to launch it.
    Bet on it!!!

    • cateye

      The community organizer, or instigator, is good at what he does. He is also good at concealing his real motives, although he did spout off about fundamentally changing the USA. This was a slip but it says volumes. We are being played and the advantage that he and his ilk have is that it is difficult to wrap your mind around the concept that we are being led by people who despise the very country that elected them to the very highest positions of power. The sheep will not figure it out until it is too late to do much about it, short of violence.

  • uh-huh

    Only a fool would NOT be convinced that communists are running amok in our government. SO why hasn’t Obama been impeached yet? He would already have been at any other time period in our history…UNLESS most of our Congress is in collusion with the Marxist government….so what does that make them? They are EFFING freaks of nature.

  • Drew

    But but why wait for someone to fill out an application ~ why not just count the “Hits” to their shiny new website that would make the numbers awesome!

    and you give them way to much credit with not being able to making noodle soup, I believe they would have trouble boiling water because they could not get the can of dehydrated H2O opened first.

  • john a publik

    And all we so is bitch on the Web…. Stand up! United we stand, divided we kneel before the masters!