CNN Insists ISIS Lures Women… With Nutella & Kittens. For Real.

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ISIS lures women

The Islamic State, the savage militant group wreaking bloody havoc across the Middle East, has purportedly stooped to a brand new low: it’s recruiting Western women to its heavenly cause with promises of earthly delights.

According to CNN anchor Carol Costello, the marketing team at the Islamic State (IS, formerly ISIS) is attempting to lure female heathens with promises of sugar-drenched chocolate spread and cute kittens.

Yes, true to their reputation for unspeakable cruelty and wickedness, the fundamentalists have found the Achilles heel of the West: namely, Western women and their apparent addiction to high-fat, sodium-based snack foods, compounded by an obsession for adorable kittens. Not to mention smiley emojis!

“As ISIS continues to gain territory across the Middle East, the recruitment of young women to its ranks is becoming increasingly important to the group,” Costello croons. “And among the most highly sought after targets? Western women!”

In virtually one breath, the po-faced anchor asks and answers a crucial question:

“How do you relay your message of jihad in a way Westerners understand?…They are turning to the language of social media and that seems to be working just fine for ISIS.

“ISIS is talking online about jars of Nutella, pictures of kittens and emojis,” Costello asserts. “They want people to believe their life on the battlefield isn’t so different than yours.

“They actually eat Nutella and I guess they have pet kittens.”

Let’s attempt to wrap our minds around Costello’s argument for a moment: Islamic State warriors, who’ve spared no cost, not to mention bloodshed, in professionally promoting an image of themselves as the most disgusting savages ever to set foot on Earth, now want us to believe that by pushing Nutella, images of furry kittens and smiley faces this will make us believe that “their life on the battlefield isn’t so different than yours”?

For the uninitiated, Nutella is an Italian-produced hazelnut and chocolate spread that packs about 70 percent saturated fat and processed sugar by weight. And anybody who has Facebook is readily familiar with kittens, and the oddly bewitching effect these furry creatures have on Western women.

The incredible, unconfirmed claims presented by Costello paved the way for an interview with Nimmi Gowrinathan, visiting professor from City College, New York, who got down to the brass tacks of discussing IS recruitment methods.

Gowrinathan addressed the issue of disenfranchised women flocking to the jihadist group, which she described as “this 7th-century ideology that is using 21st-century technology.” She added that, “In France they actually found that 45 percent of the people calling the hotline to join ISIS were young women.”

Gowrinathan didn’t say if the impressionable young French women had inquired about Nutella and furry kittens. But at that point, many viewers had apparently already abandoned the show, taking to Twitter faster than you can say ‘pass the hazelnut spread’.

Max Fisher of Vox.com suggested the ruse was nothing new, tweeting: “Oh please we recruited half of our staff with kittens and Nutella.”

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  • Another Thought Criminal

    So is Nutella the non lethal aid we’ve been sending the syrian rebels?

  • http://www.whyisthesubsinking.com Tim Brown

    Slim Pickens just blew up the World on Dr. Strangelove !!!

  • grammyprepper

    omg…seriously? and of course cnn is promoting this…go ahead…drink the koolaid…

  • davee

    Endless supply of nutella, twinkies, krispy creme’s, fine american guns, and ammo, and a license to kill. Who wouldn’t want to!

  • http://www.whyisthesubsinking.com Tim Brown

    Deerischt Scheeple RRReaders ( trill the R’s) Vee now have every von ov you on Zee list, undt vee vill not forget !! Ven ve come to visit you undt ‘borrow’ your weaponry,,,,,vee vill take gudt care uff you in Zee FEMA camps,,,,,do not be alarmed mitt zee schmells , it is only a vunderbar barbeque

  • Tatiana Covington

    Even I couldn’t make this one up.